Susan's Musings

The Torn Shirt

I just put my white shirt in the washing machine, a reasonable place for something I wore daily for a week. The shirt has an eight-inch tear down its front. I tore it, in accordance with Jewish tradition, at the cemetery as we were getting ready to bury my father, and wore it for the week of mourning.

I’m not quite sure why I’m laundering it. Even if my sewing skills were greater than they are, I would not be planning to mend the shirt. I realize that simply discarding a piece of clothing, as I will do, is not an option that always existed. In days when each article of dress was acquired by diligently saving money, where three or four pieces of clothing were all anyone owned, the torn shirt of mourning was mended, pressed and put back into service. It served as a constant, visible reminder of how we piece lives back together after a loss, never quite the same as before but carrying on. 

When my mother died sixteen years ago (that number shocks me as she is so present in my heart) I mourned, deeply, for her. I still miss her wisdom, laughter and love. The youngest of her family, she was the first of her five siblings to go. I found great comfort and security in talking to her sister and brothers as the years passed.  This time around, my father was one of the last remaining members of his generation. Each year, there are fewer people to answer the questions raised by old photographs and memories, on both a personal and national level. They were people who would neither be ignorant nor confused or scornful about this week’s observation of Flag Day. With or without the visible reminder of a shirt, the reality of the loss of a generation is clearly evident. 

 

Our Lose/Lose Society

We’re all familiar with the concept of win/win. I buy a dress that fits my needs in exchange for money that fits the needs of the storeowner. Mike washes the supper dishes and Tali dries them so that they can both get outside and play before it gets dark.

Our society is steadily creeping towards basing itself on a lose/lose philosophy. The sad incident at the Cincinnati Zoo is just one example. Here are the bare facts: a three-year-old toddler entered the moat surrounding the gorilla enclosure and was dragged through the water by a gorilla. 

What if the zoo had not shot the animal? The child might have been rescued safely or might have been harmed. There certainly was a threat of greater damage. How much time do you think would have passed before Black LIves Matter activists began questioning whether the zoo might have acted more quickly and shot the gorilla had the child been white? How long before President Obama picked up the opportunity to agitate for hatred between Americans, a specialty of his, by suggesting that racist America revealed itself once again? How long before someone posted a despicable, stupid comment under the article on a news website making a comparison between the Black child and the gorilla? How long until a daring reporter found out that the bigoted comment-writer once walked on a New York City street that Donald Trump frequently strode, proving that all Trump supporters are Ku Klux Klan wanna-bees? 

I give that scenario two days to play out. 

Meanwhile, the twitter-sphere is out for blood. Someone has to pay! The zoo, the parents, the owner of the trucking company that transported the gorilla to the zoo—surely someone has to suffer because of the deeply sad occurrence. 

Perhaps not. Maybe zoos and other public areas can reassess their safety features and make some changes after being emotionally shaken by this incident. Maybe all parents will be reminded of the speed with which a child can get into trouble. They can hug their children a bit tighter and commit to greater care while at the same time being reminded that as humans they cannot guarantee their children’s safety. Maybe the parents of the toddler who fell into the moat will feel a greater responsibility to raise their children to be givers to their community and country so that their presence is a blessing to the world. Maybe those who believe like PETA that an animal’s life is worth more than a human one will question deep inside themselves whether they truly would have rather seen the gorilla alive and the child dead. Maybe we can, as a society, accept that tragedies can occur without needing to demonize a scapegoat. 

Obviously, if the scenario had played out on a movie screen, a different script could have been written. Instead, it was real life. Everyone on the spot did the best they could within the limitations of human frailty, time and place. That is called reality. The gorilla lost its life, the zoo lost its gorilla and its reputation, the parents lost equanimity and anonymity. As a society we have become less comfortable saying, “There but for the grace of God, go I,” and quicker to condemn and vilify. At what point do we say that there was enough loss and simply accept that bad things sometimes just do happen?

 

I was sent the following video by a friend and found it surprising and shocking. Especially when our cell phones constantly seduce us to look at them instead of around us, I urge you to take the time and see this before heading to the water with kids (or adults).

 

And...while you’re packing summer reading for when the kids are out of the water, don’t forget our 3 Thought Tool books. Light enough for summer; deep enough for growth. 

Available in a money-saving set or separately

 

 

Smelly Neighbors

My husband and I are having a problem with our neighbors. They don’t seem to be taking enough baths or showers.  You can see how this would make living near them uncomfortable. We’re not even sure that they are washing their dishes or doing laundry.

How do we know this? Each month we get a bill from our public water utility informing us that we are using more water than our neighbors. Some months this certainly could be possible—but when we have been away for three weeks out of the month,  that information is rather troubling. 

Of course, there is an alternative to unhygienic neighbors. Maybe, this entire enterprise is bogus and simply trying to turn neighbor against neighbor, friend against friend. My husband’s response whenever we get one of these notices is to turn on the tap. That might be his inner ten-year-old coming to the surface, but perhaps it isn’t. Maybe it is simply his revulsion for and rejection of our increasingly socialistic society’s attempt to sever links between citizens. He loathes attempts to make us compete with one another to win approval from the government and government approved entities.  

When doctors request that parents leave the room and then ask children if their parents have guns in the house or teachers tell students that their parents’ beliefs are bigoted, we are in a dangerous place. When signs encourage us to turn in fellow drivers wrongly using the carpool lane and politicians stir up envy between citizens based on gender, color and income, our society suffers. The pace at which all this poison is being promoted is rapidly increasing. It is past time to stiffen our backbones —and rebel in ways more effective than leaving our faucets running.

 

 Remember to get a Perils of Profanity audio download for only $5 right now -
or get the CD by mail for only $10.95

 

 

Six Secrets for a Successful Marriage—and They Can Build Your Business Too

“What’s the secret of a good marriage?” This question was asked of my husband twice this past week as he spoke for several events in Arizona and Tennessee. I’ve attended bridal showers where each guest was asked to give the bride her best piece of advice on this topic and I’ve seen lists in woman’s magazines detailing the same. Both of this week’s questioners, by the way, were male. 

The frequently given answers given are usually true. Can anyone disagree that laughing together is important or that commitment matters? Even when tips contradict each other, they have validity. You can make a case for never going to bed angry just as you can make a case for not speaking in anger but giving yourself time to cool off. 

The bottom line, of course, is that there is not any one magical tip for a happy marriage. If there was, the divorce rate would be minimal. Yet, because the second person to approach my husband did so at a business conference, I began to ponder the parallels between running a successful business and having a successful marriage. Here are some of my thoughts:

1. Most people start both a new marriage and a new business with excitement, grandiose dreams and rose-colored glasses. This is great, because it encourages people to take a scary, risky leap into the unknown. However, those factors are based on fleeting emotions that hopefully will be recaptured at moments in the future, but certainly not on a daily basis. Know that.
2. Only a fool embarks on a new business thinking that while it may take tons of work and time at the beginning, a time will come when no effort is necessary. Expect to give your best forever. 
3. Outside and unexpected forces will intervene. An economy that crashes, illness, new technology, family crises...there is no way to know exactly where challenges will emerge, but emerge they will. Don’t be thrown by them.
4. Despite #3’s surprise factor, you need to anticipate and make plans for difficult moments. If you’re opening a retail store or your business involves shipping, you may not know when bad weather will come but you should have a plan for bad weather. If you’re married, life will at many points make it difficult for you to nurture your marriage and you need to think about that before crunch time arrives. Plan ahead.
5. Preparation and continuing education are vital. Hopefully, no one starts a business without a business plan. You may be a dentist or baking cupcakes, but if you have no idea what a profit and loss statement is you probably won’t be successful. If you think that whatever tools and knowledge you have now will be all you’ll ever need, you may have short, but not long term success. The marriage skills needed for a new marriage won’t carry you as you are blessed by children, as you age and as your economic needs and resources vary. Some of the skills you need will be out of your comfort zone. Make time and have a desire for growth.
6. There will be failures. An employee will turn out to be a disaster; a ‘sure bet’ will be a dud. Your spouse will disappoint you; as a couple you will put your hearts into something that will bomb. Cultivate resilience and grace. 

My starter list is missing essential elements and it could be doubled and tripled without great effort. What would you add to the list?

You can still get the sale price on
Buried Treasure: Secrets for Living from the Lord's Language

Internalizing the meaning of words like happiness, table, love and laughter
can help your marriage thrive!

 

My Nominee for a 3rd Party Candidate Is...

Even if you are a Clintonite or a Trumpista, it is unarguable that the two presumptive nominees for President of the United States are disliked by many. While third party candidates have tended to be spoilers rather than successful, I still find myself trying to imagine whether there is anyone at all in the entire country who could unite a large constituency behind their candidacy. Without calling for such a person to come forward, I am more interested in trying to think who such a person could be. 

I keep coming up blank. To start with, I wanted someone with widespread, positive name recognition, a warm persona and an articulate speaking manner. With two grueling primaries coming to a close, I don’t see how anyone without those traits (at a minimum) could possibly be widely accepted. 

I never got past that first requirement. I couldn’t think of anyone with widespread, positive recognition in today’s climate. Never mind a person, I am not even sure that there is anything that a majority of Americans trust and feel positive about. Mom and apple pie? Suggesting that motherhood is positive marginalizes those who choose not to have children and those who think that one or two fathers are the same as the traditional arrangement.  Let’s not even think of the insult to those mothers who now think that their gender assignment was wrong and that they actually are fathers. 

As for apple pie, that seems to suggest that certain culinary traditions carry more value than others. It somehow eluded me growing up, but my immigrant grandmother who baked many delicacies, never once, to my knowledge,  baked an apple pie. I was never offended by the phrase ‘mom and apple pie,’ but I attended a college that did not have safety zones. I wasn’t sensitized to the idea that my comfort is the responsibility of every person and institution in existence. Is apple pie a mainstay of Chinese, Indian, Hmong and  Mexican traditions, let alone the dozens of other nationalities that make up the United States? 

There was a period where when we had people whose names evoked almost universal affection and respect. Whether or not they really deserved that respect, it is possible that in a similar situation one of those people could have stepped forward and presented themselves an alternative to two tarnished candidates. Even staunch supporters of Clinton or Trump who might choose to stay loyal to their first choice would hesitate to respond to such a candidate with vitriol. General Eisenhower comes to mind as such a candidate or on the other side of the ocean, a post World War II Winston Churchill (before the people turned on him). 

There used to be sports heroes and movie stars, admittedly many of whose private lives were masterfully concealed, who were loved by all but a few cranks. Are we better off now when the slightest wart is publicized? More to the point, the type of things that were hidden such as adulterous or homosexual behavior, ties to crime, violence or drug use are not themselves any longer widely condemned. We can’t agree on what is virtue and what is vice, which makes it rather impossible to find a virtuous and admired person. 

If George Washington would come forward today, he would be rejected and hated by millions as a white slave owner. I don’t believe there is any figure from the past, let alone the present, who could unify our sadly fractured, confused and decaying society. I do see current events as a bloodless revolution taking place. We are many individuals and groups sharing a geographical location; we are no longer one America, one nation under God.

Save 20% right now on our best-selling book and
never think that Hebrew is just another language again!
Learn 29 Hebrew words and the life lessons
that are embedded in their shape, spelling and meaning

Buried Treasure: Secrets for Living from the Lord's Language

My Not-So-Secret Ballot

A few years ago, one of our neighbors was visited by her elderly mother. When this ‘Southern to the tip of her toes’ mother and I met one day at the mailboxes on the street, she expressed great indignation at a phone call she had just received. 

“This man wanted to know which presidential candidate I would be voting for,” she sputtered. “I told him that in this country we have secret ballots and I would no more share my vote with him than answer the door in my slip.”

While I do appreciate her passion on the subject, I am going to share how I voted in yesterday’s primary, and my reasoning, with you. After all, you are hardly strangers. 

As I wrote a few months ago, my first decision when we moved to a new, deeply Blue state, was whether to register as a Democrat or Republican. I chose Republican, but that does mean that in yesterday’s primary I had no say in who will almost inevitably be the next mayor of the city or input into the city council. For that reason, many of my deeply conservative neighbors and friends register as Democrats. 

Registering Republican, however, does mean that I voted in the Republican primary. Having admired Ted Cruz for years, my decision should have been simple. And in the end, despite my disappointment in how he has handled his campaign, it was. I do believe that the senator is the only one of the four top candidates from both parties who both knows the Constitution and would consider himself bound to uphold it. My concerns about him revolve around his ability to win the election, not his character. 

I usually only listen to talk radio while I’m driving, which means not very often or for very long. I happened to hear the interchange between Sean Hannity and Ted Cruz that received so much attention. I cringed at Cruz’s reply to Hannity’s question about people feeling confused about how delegates are pledged. Cruz erupted with a diatribe against Donald Trump rather than using the opportunity to embrace potential voters who may have heard Trump’s claims of stolen elections and truly been confused by, what in reality is, a very confusing system. It was a missed opportunity to educate while presenting himself as approachable and warm rather than angry and whining. 

Nevertheless, for the reason stated above, I voted for him. He, of course, lost badly. Whether his announcement of Carly Fiorina as running mate will make a difference or not remains to be seen. The results of the east coast Tuesday primaries weren’t a surprise. Pretty much everything else this primary season has been. 

Don't let the clock run out on our special Passover Sale.
Get 15% off everything in our store by using promo code
SAVE at checkout.
Hurry before we close Thursday evening for the final two days of the holiday.

 

Welcome to the 1500s

On the surface, President Obama and King Henry VIII of England have little in common. Even the most ardent conspiracy theorist doesn’t suggest that the president has beheaded one, let alone two, wives. Even those who recognize that there are gaps in what we know of the president’s history do not suspect multiple marriages as part of what has not been disclosed. While history shows that Henry VIII cut a dashing figure as a youth, by the time he was President Obama’s current age he was corpulent and physically loathsome. 

Yet, as I read a well-researched account of the king’s last few years, albeit historical fiction, I found myself thinking that there were comparisons to be made. I knew that Henry VIII broke away from the Catholic church, establishing himself as the religious authority. What I hadn’t realized was how much of the turmoil in his life reflected the tussle playing out between following closely in Rome’s path (albeit with himself as the head of the church) versus promoting the Protestant Reformation. 

The king, whether due to a mercurial nature or as a carefully plotted pattern, alternately approved of one side or the other. When he changed, his people needed to change with him. Translations of the Bible in English were promoted by the king and then forbidden, making those who had followed his actions and words traitors to the Crown. Safety was non-existent. Speaking your mind and following your conscience, even when it was consistent with Henry VIII’s past views, branded you a criminal when his proclamations shifted. Being burned to death and tortured on the rack might follow.

Thankfully, our government doesn’t have hidden torture chambers underneath the Capitol. Yet it does have the power to destroy people’s lives, taking away their livelihoods and savings. While (we hope) it doesn’t have spies circulating with the purpose of finding ways to incriminate honest citizens, it has access to our personal records and the ability to manipulate agencies such as the IRS and the Justice Department to punish enemies and reward friends. 

For years, Barack Obama alternated between supporting civil unions while declaring marriage to be “the union between a man and a woman,” to leaning more towards homosexual rights. Once he decisively chose a side, those who are not willing to betray their religious or moral beliefs are heretics. The government is unleashed to bankrupt their businesses and  harass them. Granted, that is better than having one’s eyes put out or one’s  back broken, but no one should sanctimoniously pat themselves on the back thinking this is a great advance. To the best of my knowledge, Henry VIII is not accused of personally killing any of his subjects. Yet, no one doubts that his courtiers and lackeys knew who he wanted maltreated. That  corrupt political reality hasn’t changed. 

I’ve seen a great deal written about “angry white men” during this election cycle. I’ve also seen Wall Street Journal editorials, and the utterances of John Kasich and Paul Ryan among others studiously ignore the fact that upright, religious Americans are being criminalized. Mitt Romney avoided moral issues and only wanted to discuss the economy. Yet lots of Americans of faith feel victims of a witch hunt. The Governor of N. Carolina, and the owner of  TimberCreek Bed & Breakfast in Paxton, Illinois, who is facing an $80,000 fine can tell you about that. When every day converts normal words into “trigger words” and everyday actions into “attacks” that can cause Americans to lose jobs and reputations, it won’t be long before anyone without a protector at court will be fair game.

Don't miss out on our 2 for the price of 1 sale
Get both Thou Shall Prosper and Business Secrets of the Bible for only $29.95

Cleaning and Loving It

I have a friend who gets little pleasure from cooking. It is a reality of life for her rather than a tactile, sensual experience. That is, unless she is cooking for the Sabbath. When she does that, the activity is infused with meaning and importance and changes from an annoying necessity into a higher calling. 

I feel somewhat the same about cleaning. While I like having a tidy and well-ordered house, I can’t say that I enjoy the process of scrubbing and polishing. The exception is when I am cleaning in preparation for Passover. 

I don’t really have a way to explain Passover preparations to anyone who has not been involved in them. Picture getting ready for Thanksgiving except before you can start your cooking you need to get rid of all the existing food you have in the house as well as put away all your dishes and kitchen utensils, and bring in all “special for Thanksgiving” items that are only used once a year. There are lists of ingredients and products that you ordinarily rely on that can’t be used. Plus, the house needs to be cleaned from top to bottom to ensure that no forbidden items are hiding away. That’s for starters. Oh yes, and there will be eight days of eating rather than one, with five of them requiring festive meals twice a day.

Passover is daunting. It is also my favorite holiday of the year. And while we have occasionally spent the holiday at the home of friends or family and sometimes even at a hotel, I only truly fully feel the holiday spirit when we are home. On all the holidays, recipes and traditions connect me strongly to my mother, grandmother and all the women in my family who preceded them, but the connection is magnified with Passover. 

My husband does not understand. His mantra over these weeks is, “You really don’t have to do that,” meaning that we can have a kosher Passover without my going over the light switches with a toothbrush and toothpick. He does not have, as I do, the vision of my grandmother in her eighties, wearing her one and only pair of jeans, purchased and used for only one occasion in the entire year – getting down on the floor to scrub under the cupboards before Passover. I can’t explain it myself. I only know that, in my mind, while cleaning is usually a chore that interferes with “more important things,” during the weeks preceding Passover it gives me a great thrill. Not only am I cleaning for a higher purpose, but the activity itself has meaning. 

And quite frankly, I am pretty uninterested in what the rabbis (even my own beloved one) say as to what is unnecessary. My question to them always is, “But, what did your mother do?” Invariably, the answer is that they went way overboard. Passover belongs to the Jewish people, but Passover cleaning belongs to Jewish women. 

Reprinted from March 2009

Would you like to look more deeply into Passover?
What if it can serve as a personal template for redemption as well as a national one? 

Let Me Go: How to Overcome Life's Challenges and Escape Your Own Egypt

Pick Two, Any Two

William F. Buckley famously said, “I am obliged to confess I should sooner live in a society governed by the first two thousand names in the Boston telephone directory than in a society governed by the two thousand faculty members of Harvard University.” Perhaps it is time for a variation on that, along the lines of, “I am obliged to confess I should sooner vote in a presidential election  between two random people in the Hereford, TX telephone directory than in a contest between anyone running for the office today.” Hereford, TX, by the way, recently was declared the most conservative city in the USA.

I am thoroughly sick of this election cycle. Of the four top candidates, Clinton, Sanders, Cruz and Trump, I actually find Sander’s campaign the most appealing. Notwithstanding that, I can’t vote for him because his policies and beliefs will destroy this country. I don’t think I need to explain my objections to Hillary or Donald and to my great dismay, Ted Cruz’s campaign has diminished him in my eyes. I would love to see him as the next Supreme Court Justice and I will probably vote for him in my state’s upcoming primary, but I think that too many times the way he is campaigning is foolish or demeaning. Should a brokered convention declare Kasich or Romney or Jeb Bush or Ryan as the Republican nominee, that might actually lead me to officially change my voter registration to independent or Libertarian. 

What’s a girl to do? 

This country’s descent into immorality and poverty is accelerating rapidly. Europe’s terrorist eruption will not stay contained and in fact we have had more than one taste of it here. Judge Scalia’s death severely diminishes the group of upright, intelligent and wise leaders our country has. I will continue to support individual candidates and to speak out, because we each have to do that. 

Yet, in the final analysis, the truth of the words from Psalms: “Do not rely on noblemen or on a human for he holds no salvation,” (Psalms 146) is hitting us in the face with stark clarity. While that is clearly the truth and the real source for peace of mind, it is late at night and I’m sure things will look brighter in the morning.

The half-price sale on Clash of Destiny
is extended for 36 hours more

Don't Eliminate the Department of Education

As most of us know, it is easier for people in the audience to quickly come up with brilliant responses than it is for the person being interviewed or the candidate up on the debate stage. I’ve never been a contestant on Jeopardy or any other game show, but my guess is that, not infrequently, some contestants miss out on answers they would have known were they watching the show in the comfort of their living rooms. In other words, being a great back-seat-driver is easier than actually driving. 

Having admitted that, I have done a fair bit of cringing at the words of Republican candidates I admire. To be fair, most interviews and many Republican debates are staged by a media hoping to make conservative candidates sound foolish or evil, preferably both. The questions are phrased and the time allotted to help achieve that result. Knowing that, the candidates need to prepare ways to get around the handicap. 

One recent example that resonates with me is several candidates’ calls to eliminate the Department of Education as an example of where budgets can be slashed. You know and I know that scads of money is given to education in this country with pathetic results. The system is designed to enrich a few top echelon bureaucrats and pander to political bases, not to care for children. You and I know that thousands of parents try to get their children into charter school slots that are severely limited. You and I know that political correctness, union rules and other policies protect and promote criminal and incompetent teachers while penalizing those who could unlock students’ minds and help them to achieve greatness. Yet, even for those parents desperate to get their children out of failing schools there is a disconnect between their desperation and political parties. When they hear calls to eliminate the Department of Education, they believe that means ignoring, not helping, their children. The phrase without explanation is toxic. With explanations and vivid, heart-rending examples of children trapped in dangerous places and the prison of illiteracy, it could truly improve the lives of many and the health of our nation. 

Eliminating the Department of Education in order to save money is easily seen in the public’s mind as an act of cold, ice-blooded indifference to the lives of young children, particularly minorities. In reality, it could be the greatest gift this generation’s poor and underprivileged children could get. Same action; different word picture. I’m not up on the stage, I’m just a back-seat-driver. Nevertheless, someone in the driver’s seat needs to study the map before getting behind the wheel.

Get an education in how to deal with evil. Our Purim half-price sale is on, explaining a long ago tale that is still playing out every day.

Clash of Destiny: Decoding the Secrets of Israel and Islam

2 audio CDs