Susan's Musings

Aldrich Comes After Alcott Even in a Crazy World

If you wandered around the Marina del Rey, CA docks a few years back, you might have found my husband on his hands and knees, polishing the teak on his cherished sailboat. Sun and salt water are both tough on wood, so it was a job that constantly needed doing.

Polishing wood was therapeutic. Daily life is filled with activities that only give us delayed feedback. As the rabbi of a congregation, a business-owner, a husband and a father, it was frequently difficult for my husband to know how things were actually going. A discouraging week could be followed by a productive one, a brilliant speech could be followed by one that fell flat. Did we over-react or under-react to a child’s problem? In many cases, it is a matter of weeks, months, years and even a lifetime before we can gauge our success. 

Not so with teak. One sets out to tackle a worn, tired looking patch of deck and after applying polish, time and elbow grease that same area is a shiny pleasure to behold. Of course the change won’t last, but for a short while you know that the job is well done. 

My version of wood polishing is tidying up, and one of my favorite things to tidy is bookshelves. I love seeing favorite editions lined up neatly and I delight in greeting volumes I haven’t perused for a while. Last week, as the world spun out of control, I organized many years’ accumulation of children’s books. 

While the authorities that instantaneously knew that the murderer of church members in Charleston was motivated by racism but found themselves confused as to what could possibly have motivated the murderer of five military members, I sorted books. While politicians explained that giving nuclear weapons to those who hate us would bring peace, I alphabetized fiction. While newspapers covered up stories of violent crime unless the “right” people were the victims, I labelled biographies.   

Amidst it all, I prayed. Yes, I called my political representatives telling them of my concern about the Iran debacle and I took my own private steps to add merit to the world’s balance, but most of all, I prayed. The hatred for God’s guidance, the growing anti-Semitism and anti-Christianism in the world, the betrayal of America’s foundations and the irrational blame placed on Israel demand that we resist these ‘advances’ with all our human effort. However, we will only defeat them with God’s mercy and help. So, I pray for peaceful years when my grandchildren can cuddle up with books, their imaginations venturing far afield while their families and homes provide a safe and secure oasis among a world once again running amok.

We have to do what we can to give young people guidance.
Please take a look at this book and share it with those you love. 

 

 

Grandma Camp

There may be exciting/depressing/timely things happening in the world this week. I am not going to be writing about them. This week, I am focusing on the future, in the form of five little girls between the ages of four-and-a-half and seven.  (This Musing is actually being written and scheduled in advance.)

If I was marketing my Grandma Camp, I would label it as retro. I am not teaching computer skills, we aren’t playing electronic versions of games, and the books I will be reading aloud are wholesome, beloved classics, many over a hundred years old. I’ve taken CD’s from the library with songs from my children’s childhood like Hap Palmer’s, “This Is the Story about Sammy,” and Raffi’s “Baby Beluga.” I may even throw in some ditties from my childhood like “The Hokey Pokey.” None of the songs call for hip-thrusting, pelvic gyrations.  

 

 

There are some differences between activities I did with my own children and those I have planned. Instead of remaining focused on my budget, I have been spending rather recklessly. I’m not talking Tiffany bracelets, but I did buy some art supplies at Michael’s that were neither on sale nor eligible for my 40% off coupon. Should we be beset by a week of rain, I might splurge $2.99 to rent Chitty-Chitty-Bang-Bang since it isn’t in my library’s system. After all, since my husband and I are not responsible for the girls’ clothing or educational needs, or for future orthodonture, we have a little more wiggle room. 

 

Similarly, while we will snack on peppers and carrots, we won’t be doing so exclusively. Their mothers can counter-balance any nutritional faux-pas I make. I have even acquired some messy art materials that I would have been reluctant to allow into my own children’s hands and hope that the weather will allow us to make and throw exploding paint balloons. 

 For one week, I hope to put my concerns about the fate of this nation and the world aside. Business matters will need to wait. Even my husband is willingly moving into second place, not necessarily enjoying, but at least tolerating a return to macaroni and cheese for dinner. (I am positive that his own work week will be interrupted as I can’t imagine him resisting frequently joining in our activities.) My voice may be a small one when it comes to grand affairs, but it is an oversized one where these girls are concerned. As I know from my own experience, grandparents have a crucial role to play, unique to them.  I may or may not be able to influence ‘the course of human events,’ but I will do my best to love my granddaughters and grandsons, at the same time hopefully building their inner compasses and moral lodestones so that they will make the right choices no matter what false values the world preaches to them.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Take It or Leave It

When you’ve applied for a job and receive an offer for the position you want, do you say, “Thank you so much. I look forward to working with you,” or do you start negotiating for better terms? Your answer might depend on whether you are male or female. Men tend to bargain and usually end up with a better deal than first offered, while women rarely do. Furthermore, women who do make a counter-offer tend to be perceived negatively. 

For this reason, a number of cutting edge companies such as Reddit and Magoosh are instituting a ‘what you are offered is what you get’ policy.  The only choice prospective employees have is to accept or reject the job offer; there is no opportunity for negotiation. In this way, they are hoping to make their companies more inviting to women. 

I read about this policy change almost immediately after finishing Sheryl Sandberg’s book, Lean In. While I disagree completely with her thesis that a better world,  “...would be one where women ran half our countries and companies and men ran half our homes.” she does provide some fascinating observations, research and data. She makes a compelling case that it is harder for women to reach leadership positions in the corporate world and provides guidance for changes that would help achieve that goal.   

Like all of us, Ms. Sandberg, who is Facebook’s chief operating officer, is shaped by her own personality and life experiences.  She writes of her partnership with her husband, Dave Goldberg, (sadly, since writing the book she has been widowed) and wishes a similar relationship for other women. While a committed marriage between two high-powered and well-paid corporate executives with healthy and happy children might sound ideal to many impressionable young women, I think this is about as achievable on a mass level as the dreams of young boys who watch Michael Jordan play basketball and fantasize about an NBA career. Most women might like the results in the abstract, but they aren’t as naturally gifted or as keen on the hard work and trade-offs that achieving those results demand.  Meanwhile, even fewer men than women fit into that picture. 

As for women running half the world’s countries, I would gladly exchange Nancy Pelosi for a male who shared my vision of America. Voting for Hillary because she is a woman sounds bigoted and backwards, let alone foolish, to my ear. Too many liberals look only at color and body parts. Any conservative pundit who promotes Carly Fiorina  because of her gender loses my respect as much as would anyone who opposes her for the same reason. 

I think Sheryl Sandberg’s attempt at social engineering is quixotic. That in itself is fine, but the minute the government (including the United Nations) gets in the picture to help achieve her goal, it turns into something dangerous. When the government institutes tax incentives, or mandates quotas, day care and maternity/paternity policies, an idea becomes a fearsome cudgel. I’m intrigued by Reddit and Magoosh’s new hiring policy and curious to see how it plays out. I love the idea of individual companies innovating and experimenting. If a policy works, it helps the company thrive; if a policy doesn’t work, the results are evident and something different is tried. Unfortunately, with government, failed policies get expanded, entrenched and enhanced, piling one bad idea upon another. I personally don’t like to bargain, but I like even less being forced into someone else’s picture for an ideal world. 

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Would understanding the Hebrew words for family and work
help guide your life? 

Male Bashing = Boring

I’ve now read two reviews of a new book that is getting attention, Women After All. While both the reviews were well-written and both highly praised the book, I’m bored by it before I even open a page. The thesis of Melvin Konner’s book seems to be that women are great; men are unnecessary at their best, but most of the time they just destroy civilization. As women become more influential - ta da! - the world will be a better place. 

I did chuckle about one aspect of the Wall Street Journal’s review. A few pages earlier in the newspaper, an article about the enduring affection women have for Jane Austen novels appeared. You could call it, reality meeting fantasy. 

Aren’t you tired of the gender wars? As far as I’m concerned God already answered the question of whether men are better than women or women are better than men. He could have created one man and many women. That statement would have been open to interpretation. Are men valuable while women are breeders or are women valuable and men’s sole purpose is to impregnate them? He could have created many men and one woman. That would have been open to interpretation too. Are men valuable but a female is needed so that procreation can occur? Are women so valuable that a stable of men is assigned to work for her? 

What God did instead, is create one man and one woman. Initially, “male and female He created them,” and on another level he created man and from his body brought forth woman. (You can hear the ancient Jewish wisdom on this in Madam, I’m Adam: Decoding the Marriage Secrets of Eden) Both sexes are created in His image; the sexes are different and incomplete without the other. A world where masculinity has exclusive rein is a perversion of the ideal, as is a world where femininity rules. 

If the reviews are accurate, Konner’s book celebrates a world of female ascendancy, where men acknowledge the superiority of feminine qualities and adopt them. This la-la land ignore the Jane Austen conundrum. Women who argue that they are capable of doing anything a man can do, and do it better than a man can, still seek to be loved by a great man, one they can look up to and respect. Mr. Darcy has his flaws, but he exudes traditional masculinity. By contrast, women reject en masse the feminine men they try to create. When men cross the line and become too feminine, women don’t desire them as mates. Neither turning women into men or men into women is a successful strategy for civilization. Do we really have to repeatedly obsess over failed ideas? 

 

Give yourself and those you love some gender reality

 

Hold the Disney Princesses, Please

Finding birthday presents for children under six should not be difficult. Both of the children for whom I’m seeking gifts are blessedly unspoiled by electronic addictions or parents who think that their children need every new toy on the market. Still, even though a box of crayons would be appreciated, I was hoping to find something slightly more exciting.

I started my search with a modest budget in mind. After some internet browsing and physically visiting four stores, my list of requirements grew exponentially. I discovered that I had more prerequisites; in fact, I am a very fussy shopper.

I am open to crafts, books, games, puzzles and construction toys. I would be delighted with a gift that stretches the imagination, improves fine motor skills and that can hold a child’s interest beyond five minutes. If the toy is sturdy enough to withstand use, that would be a plus.

However, I found out that I am not keen on expanding the Disney franchise or requiring hours of TV watching so that the character on which the toy is based means something. I do not like toys that beep, hum, or burst into music. If my grandchild wants a cow to moo, he or she can say ‘moo’ himself or herself. If a budding sense of humor suggests that a cow says ‘neigh,’ I don’t want to preclude that possibility. I abhor toys whose main function is to teach gender neutrality. Who knew I was so demanding?

It turns out the good old-fashioned toys do not come with retro prices. A piece of junk with embedded electronics that would have wowed Albert Einstein costs less than a sturdy wooden building set. A pre-political-correctness children’s book commands a high price.

My carrots don’t have to be grown locally, my clothing don’t have to be 100% organic and my phone doesn’t need to be the latest model. Is it too much to ask for reasonably priced toys that expand skills and develop the imagination?

This won't work for a four-year-old,
but it makes a great present for someone older - and it's on sale right now!

Back to the Future

Two of the books I read this summer made me simultaneously feel a bit better and a lot worse about current events. Bill Bryson’s One Summer: America, 1927, and Daniel James Brown’s The Boys in the Boat, both brought to life a fascinating period in history.

What amazed me about Bryson’s book was how dismal a picture he paints of government and society while also detailing the incredible strength of the human spirit. Some of the greatest names of that day, such as Charles Lindbergh, Babe Ruth and Henry Ford were deeply flawed, yet we still benefit from their achievements. There were immigrants to America who contributed immensely to our country and others who sought to destroy her. The media frequently focused on the wrong things, contributing to an uneducated and foolish citizenry. In other words, their times were somewhat like ours, including inept and corrupt government and civil unrest. 

The Boys in the Boat by Daniel James Brown, chronicles the University of Washington crew team in the early 1930’s, It intimately follows one member of the University of Washington crew team, while also introducing us to the other protagonists including boat builders and coaches. The main character, pretty much on his own from the tender age of ten, made a man of himself and went on to a long and successful marriage and life. The almost unlimited capabilities of human spirit shine from each page of the book while the competition is as excitingly portrayed as last year’s Super Bowl (Go Hawks!).

Important questions shimmer beneath the surface of the book as well. I gathered that the author believes that America granted both a moral and public relations victory to Hitler by attending the 1936 Olympics in Munich. At the same time, he makes clear how devastating it would be to individual athletes who train and struggle for years to be Olympians, were participation in the games to be cancelled.

Drawn into the lives of ‘the boys in the boat,’ we desperately wish that their competition (and the victory of black runner Jesse Owens) were a thumb in Hitler’s eye. Yet, as is true today, ephemeral gestures feel good for a few days but they are not an effective way to combat evil. Had American and her European allies recognized Hitler’s threat earlier, the boys’ disappointment would have been minimal compared to the pain and suffering of millions that occurred because the world did not respond forcefully early on. Their dream tugs at our hearts, but in retrospect, it does not weigh more heavily than the dreams of thousands of American soldiers who a few years later went to war instead of school, to graves instead of marriages, to rehabilitation centers instead of athletic fields. Winston Churchill called World War II the “unnecessary war,” feeling that it could have been avoided with timely resolve.

Today, once again, America and her allies are refusing to recognize the severity of the threat against us. Neville Chamberlain’s blind optimism is more common than Churchill’s prescience. We feel present pain not future possibility. Both these books reminded me that history is cyclical. How wonderful it would be not to repeat the old mistakes.

Have you seen our newest book? Would you and your spouse agree on how to answer the questions posed? You and your children? How about your friends? Think inside, outside and all around the box with Dear Rabbi and Susan: 101 Real-Life Ask the Rabbi Questions (and answers).

 

 

 

Tough and Tougher (but so worth it)

I am cleaning out my closet (again), this time sending lots of homeschooling reading material to my daughters who are in the trenches. With my weakness for the written word, I am skimming through magazines as I pack them. This quote from the January-February, 1994 issue of Home Education Magazine, pops out at me:

These are difficult times in which to raise a family. In spite of all the rhetoric from various directions about saving the family, we find as little real support for helping families as we found for educating our children.

Doesn’t the quote sound a little quaint?  I think that one major change over these twenty years is that we are less concerned with saving the family and more concerned with rights of the individual. Although statistics show how much the scales are tipped against children who do not grow up in a home with a mother and father who are (have been and will be) married to each other, we don’t want to discuss that. Instead, the focus is on the individual adult. If women want to have children, a husband is an optional appendage. If men want to have children, a woman is a biological rather than emotional or social necessity. Whatever we want to do is fine – we are told that how we define family is in our hands.

Anyone who was a parent to a five-year-old child back in 1994 is this year the parent of a twenty-five year old. In my mind, that twenty-five year old, raising his or her own child, faces immense challenges, among them that a man and woman in their twenties getting married, supporting themselves, and having children is in itself becoming a rare and endangered agenda.

As I glance through my homeschooling books and magazines, I get glimpses at how much the world has changed. The incredible responsibility and privilege that lies on parents’ shoulders remains the same. Different times bring different challenges. We don’t get to choose if we would prefer our children to grow up during the polio epidemic of the 1940’s or the heroin culture of the 1960’s; in wartime or peacetime; in times of economic prosperity or stagnation. Physical threats dominate some eras, spiritual threats imperil others.

We do get to decide if we will ‘go with the flow’ or deliberately set our feet on certain paths. Those paths may end up being treacherous or faulty, but paraphrasing an author I read who needed to make myriad choices for her ill child, we can only use the information we have to make what we believe is the best choice – omniscience isn’t an option. Our daughters and their husbands’ trials are different from those my husband and I faced, but what hasn’t changed is that caring, diligent parents are among the world’s greatest treasures.

In that vein, I am immensely proud that my husband and I (aka Lifecodex Publishing) partnered with author Gila Manolson on her brand new book, Hands Off! This May Be Love. Gila and I have worked together for months to take knowledge she has accumulated through years of writing, research and international speaking and make it available to a wider audience. Her book, exploring how powerful touch is and how young people, in particular, need to understand this power, is warm and accessible while packing a strong punch. I’d love to share some pre-publication reviews we’ve received about this book.

Gila Manolson's book, Hand's Off! This May Be Love, is one of the best and most needed books we've read in a long time.

It should be required reading in High Schools! She eloquently describes the importance of not only honoring and respecting the opposite sex but also honoring and respecting yourself enough to wait before you build those powerful connections brought through touch. These truths can be utilized in every relationship including the workplace.   I highly recommend this book for Youth leaders in Churches.

Thanks for a marvelous read!

Pastors Mark and Vicki Biltz
Tacoma, WA

 

This book is important, bold, and to some, even controversial. The principles presented are sound and hold the potential to turn the cultural tide. They address one of the greatest needs in our time and present a worthy challenge to the current generation. The future is literally in the balance teetering between moral depravity and purity. Read this book and share it with someone who needs to hear its truth.

Pastors Mike and Kathy Hayes
Covenant Church, TX

If you are the parent, grandparent, teacher, aunt or uncle of young children, I urge you to read this book to help prepare for the years ahead. If your children are pre-teens, teens or young adults, this book has the potential to spare them years of grief. I am so excited to introduce this book to you and can’t wait to hear your comments.

Find out more

A Library Love Letter

I had an hour’s vacation the other day. While I live about four minutes from a public library that I regularly visit, there is a much larger regional branch about seventeen minutes away from my home. When I was actively home schooling, the kids and I went there often, but in the past year, I haven’t been.

Last week, I treated myself and visited the large library. I enjoyed browsing the biography section and finding tales of fascinating people whose names I didn’t recognize. I meandered through the fiction section, looking not only for well-loved authors, but also for books whose spines cry out, “I’ve been on this shelf for a very long time.” Not all these books are gems, but they are almost guaranteed not to be filled with profanity and TMI about the protagonist’s sexual activity.  If the book is boring, the gift of the public library kicks in. I can read a few pages and decide to go no further. Borrower’s remorse is never as painful as buyer’s remorse. I lingered by my favorite Dewey decimal numbers. After all, any number that identifies Cheaper by the Dozen must shelter more treats as well. 

This library has what I consider the best books in the system, the ones I’m afraid are going to be culled out and replaced by a DVD selection. As the libraries, at least in my city, try to make themselves more ‘user-friendly’ with current books, computer monitors and movies to check out or download, I worry that diamonds and pearls will be cast aside. David Copperfield and Little Women aren’t going anywhere soon, but what of less classic, though perfectly enjoyable tomes? Not all older books are good and some newer ones are wonderful, but in general, it I find it sad that the modern selection edges out the more traditional—and often character-building—choices, particularly for children and young adults.

If you’ve been reading my Musings for any length of time, you know that I adore books. If you do as well, are there any volumes you cherish that you can no longer find on the shelves of your local library?

Scandals and Sweethearts

Where to begin? The most recently reported American scandal? Older scandals that the administration is hoping citizens will ignore? The newly released Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders that pretty much turns us into a nation of troubled people? Iraq? Syria? China?

I’d rather start with the good news. Namely, the birth of our newest grandson, the absolutely delicious and adorable Joshua Hyam.

 
It is a misnomer to say that a baby is a “good” baby, but some are definitely calmer and cuddlier. On these counts, Joshua is a winner.  As a bonus, when he was with his mother I spent time with his older sister. Since Popop and I brought her the Sid Hoff classic, Danny and the Dinosaur, I was able to refresh my memory of the book by reading it dozens of times. I’m delighted that I could still buy a copy considering the picture of guns (gasp!), children riding on a dinosaur with nary a seat belt not helmet in sight (yikes!), and perhaps worst of all children spending an afternoon playing all over the neighborhood without any adult supervision (gadzooks!).

An additional bonus was spending time with a number of our other children and grandchildren, including a surprise visit from the most recent reigning newest edition, who claimed the title for only a few short months. I am pleased to say that she handled being dethroned with grace and giggles.  

Of course, these little ones are the reason that I can’t ignore what is going on in this country or the world. I pray that they and their generation grow up in a world of peace and prosperity, but I believe that God expects us to do our part in safeguarding the blessings he sends us rather than relying solely on (and sadly often undeserved) miracles.  

Homeless Hopelessness (Part 1)

I am reading a disturbing book. I do not usually pick this type of reading material.  My general ‘go to’ books tend to those written by L.M. Montgomery, Jane Austen and Dorothy Canfield Fisher. You finish them smiling. On the non-fiction front, I recently loved Moonwalking with Einstein, which stimulated my thought processes. Disturbing books are not my favorite choice.  

Nonetheless, a dinner companion recommended Breakfast at Sally’s, the story of a once successful businessman who ended up homeless on the streets of Bremerton, WA. The Sally in the title is a nickname for the Salvation Army, one of the many locations where he regularly ate.

Having not finished the book, I still don’t understand why the author’s family and friends rejected him when he most needed them. Whatever the reasons that propelled him to the street, he has used his talents to paint a sad and desperate picture of a large and lost population. Although he differs from most of his homeless companions in his lack of drug and alcohol abuse, he does introduce the reader to many sympathetic characters.

Why is the book so depressing? Aside from being a window into a world that is bleak and shows no signs of shrinking, for me the book is a booming indictment of both the Democrat and Republican parties. Already disheartened by the last election cycle –by both parties’ words and actions—this book is exacerbating my feelings of hopelessness and reinforcing my concerns that only a huge, and by definition disruptive and disturbing upheaval, can reverse this country’s downward course.

What do I mean? Author Richard LeMieux and his fellow homeless are understandably bitter when they see government money going towards stadiums and fancy buildings, while they, many of whom saw active duty in our nation’s military, have no shelter. A quote from a man known only as ‘C.’, however, reveals why the Democrat Party’s lofty promises will get votes while not solving any problems.

          “It would be so, so, so easy to fix poverty in this country. Just give each of those people a hundred thousand dollars… That’s how much the IRS estimates is stashed away in offshore accounts by American businesses to avoid taxes…”

C. is a homeless hero of the book. Gentle, giving, well read and intelligent, he certainly refutes the image of the dangerous, violent homeless male. Yet, his theme, which repeats throughout the book, that if only the rich had less or if the government played Robin Hood, stealing from the rich to give to the poor, everyone would be well fed and happy, is sadly quixotic and untrue. Aside from numerous other flaws in that thinking, many people would quickly run through a hundred thousand dollars and be no better off. Having money does not automatically free people from addictions or keep them free from others taking advantage of them; it does not feed souls and teach people to use money wisely; it does not provide loving relationships and the self-respect that working provides. As too many lottery winners have found out, getting money handed to you is not a panacea.

Meanwhile the Republican Party, with its inability to winningly articulate or take principled stands for what should be one its core principles, that all human beings are created in the image of God, will likewise bring no relief. Too many Republican “leaders” don’t actually believe in the foundations of the Party or the greatness of the human soul. Despite the fact that studies show that those with conservative politics proportionally give more in both dollars and time to charity that those with liberal politics do, that benevolence often seems disconnected from politician’s statements and actions.

Frankly, both parties have too many entrenched politicians who have lived too long in, and benefit too greatly from, the corrupt bog that politics has become.Government programs and proposals will not, in my opinion, be the solution.

(End of Part One)